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Friday, June 20, 2014

Fall From Grace by Christine Zolendz - Review

Okay I had to mentally prepare myself to write this review because honestly *gag, choke, gag* I absolutely despised this book. I would rather have dental work done by Edward Scissors Hands! Ughhhh this book has 5 star reviews and great ratings and I'm sitting here going "WTF?? Did I miss out on the group koolaide session or what?" Because this book was torture to get through!!

I will keep this review as brief as I can, although I could go on all day about the ridiculousness of how it's written. Don't get me wrong, the storyline could have gone leaps and bounds, instead it face planted, right into a brick wall.

So the book starts off with Grace, our main character, saying goodbye to her dying brother Jacob. Literally within the first pages her brother dies from cancer and you learn she has no other family as they died in a car accident years ago. So she leaves the hospital/hospice place that she's been holed up in since her brother got sick and is headed, like a freakin maniac, back to New York where she was previously living with her best friend Lea.

Okay just so you know, this is a paranormal book, yet you don't know that until halfway through the book. Grace keeps rambling incoherently about things that make no sense yet gives you an inkling that it's "paranormal" related. this book just nose dives into oblivion once Grace gets back to New York. She's not back for more than five freakin minutes and she's getting ready to hit the bar and get drunk with her best friend. The amount of alcohol that was consumed in this book made ME feel like I needed to go to an AA meeting! It was soooooo over done. My God, every second someone is downing enough Tequila to make a frat house look like the Catholic church.

Moving at said bar, we meet Shane. Now I kinda like Shane! He's all hardcore, rocker, bad boy and has taken a liking to Grace. She on the other hand constantly pushes him away like a little bitch because she's looking for some long lost love, yeah I don't know! We also meet Lea's boyfriend, Conner as well as friends Ethan, Bryden. Alex, Tucker and there are a few others I can't recall.
The banter between Grace and Shane was so damn annoying at times, I almost died from perpetual eye rolling. I cannot write this review without giving some quotes from this book so I can share the ridiculousness I had to submit myself to....

Without saying another word to me, he delicately took my arm and sprinkled a small pinch of salt on the soft skin of my inner wrist. He raised my arm to his mouth and I watched him lightly press his tongue against my skin...."God Grace. You do taste like heaven," he whispered breathlessly. I felt a delicious heat rise all over my body. "I think I should go home now. I'm...really...tired." I whirled around and practically ran towards the bathroom.
MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY!!!!!! WTF?!?!?! A HOT ROCKER/BAD BOY JUST LICKED SALT OFF YOUR WRIST AND YOU "SHOULD GO HOME" BECAUSE YOU'RE TIRED?!?!?!?!?! UGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! Okay rant this point my poor Kindle was getting a verbal beating from me.
But it just keeps getting better....
We ordered pizza and we all sat around and colored flyers for the auditions. We looked like a group of five year olds on a play date.When I mentioned that out loud, all hell broke loose.
(All hell broke loose? Really, because I swear we were getting reading to dive into the next chapter of the freakin' Babysitters Club book!!!!!!!Ughh)
Alex's face scrunched up and he shouted, "Bryden picks his nose and eats it!"
Almost choking on a bite of pizza, Bryden shouted, "Alex has got the cooties!"
"So we look like five year olds, huh?" Ethan asked coming up behind me. He grabbed me in a gentle headlock and gave me noogies on my head."
(Are you shitting me right now? Noogies? God Bless America.....)
I screamed and ran for my water bottle, and poured it all over Ethan's head. "Oh no," I teased. "Ethan just wet himself!"

I tried to move again, electricity shooting up through my body. Oh my! I grabbed the only thing I could, my slice of pizza, and smashed it in his face laughing. He rolled off me laughing just as hard.
(Who the hell does that?!?!?!?)

I will say that this book did get pretty good at about the 99% done point, only because it leaves you with one big fat cliffhanger that has you screaming:

If you want to read this book then I say go for it but you've been warned. Again, the storyline with the paranormal, angel, bad angels or whatever, could have been awesome but it just spiraled into eye rolling and WTF moments for me. The paranormal part was just allover the place and too damn confusing to grasp onto.
 And no, I will NOT be reading the second book. Cliffhanger or not, I will not put myself through the torture again. I can't stomach it!

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